Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
