if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
