I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
