so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
