but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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