dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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