She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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