I feel great
I just peed on a car
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
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