I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
