The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
