the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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