We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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