I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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