it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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