2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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