I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
