i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Quick, to the slutcave!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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