I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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