It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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