Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
