Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
