Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
