i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
love makes seman taste better
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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