Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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