You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
