How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
