K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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