Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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