She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
