my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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