i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
