When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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