Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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