I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
