Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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