So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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