i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
