I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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