i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
