He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
