I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
