hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
