I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
