I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
