Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
