He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
