I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
