it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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