I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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