i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
